Let's Talk About Sex

This is an updated version of a guest blog post I did for Edwardville last year.

I want to talk about lemons in fan fic today. Lemons are always good, right? I mean, even the not-so-great lemons are better than no lemons at all for most of us. Interestingly, this is pretty much the case in real life as well, but I'm not here to talk about real life. So, lemons in fan fic. Yeah. If you've read anything I've written in this fandom, you might already know where I stand on the subject of sex when I'm writing it. I rely very heavily on the emotion of the moment and really don't focus on the anatomical gymnastics required of the act, for several reasons, really. The first is that I'm going to assume if you're reading it, you're old enough and experienced enough to know which body parts are involved and what goes where, and the second is that when you're writing a story about two characters who are falling in love, the physical action must always take a back seat to the emotions surrounding it, because it's not hot if you just say "I love you" "Oh, I love you too!" and let them get down to business. At least, I don't think it's hot, or if it is hot, it could be so much hotter if you paid more attention to the feelings than the gymnastics.

Another thing you'll probably notice is that I work very, very hard to avoid using any of the clichés traditionally employed in lemony scenes. You will never, EVER see me write a sex scene which includes words like "core", or "slit", or any of the other crazy words people seem to like to use to describe the happy place on a female body. I'm not an apple - I don't have a core, and there are so many other words I'd personally rather have associated with what lives inside my ladybush. Hey, good sex is all about being creative, so if you're going to write a lemon, search around for different and unique ways to describe what's going on. Yes, I know that there are only so many words in the English language for the basic function, but I'm talking more about trying to marry the emotion to the action. Try not to be all "missionary" about your lemon, relying only on what others have done before in order to make the sex happen and move on with the story. This is a big moment for your characters if they're falling in love. Take a minute to think about what's going on in their heads. They're probably nervous, and a little shy, and maybe a bit insecure, and likely totally gonzo with lust, and knowing that this moment changes everything between them COMPLETELY. Great sex is a total head/heart/body festival of wonders - if one of those things isn't engaged in the process, you've got a problem.

If you've never written a sex scene before, it's intimidating as hell. It's just about as intimidating as having actual sex for the first time, and you come to it with many of the same insecurities, which is kind of funny. For many fic writers, this is kind of what it sounds like in your head when you're preparing to write your first lemon: "Will this be hot? Do I know enough about sex to make it good for the audience? What if what I think is hot is really not hot at all? I don't swing from chandeliers in my real life, so I don't know anything at all about the Tong Position or ben-wa balls or any of that other freaky crap. That stuff scares me. Do I need any of that in order to make people sweat when they read my sex scene? I should probably study up on sex a bit before I write this. God, that stuff from "The Office" or "Master of the Universe" is so unbelievably hot - I don't think I could ever write anything that scorching. Also, I'm kind of a private person when it comes to sex, and I'm embarrassed as hell to even think these words, let alone try to write them. I can't do this. Maybe I'll just borrow little bits and pieces from what other writers have done and kind of cobble that together to make my own scene. They clearly know more about this than I do. They're probably all kinds of crazy in their real lives, while my husband/partner/whatever and I have a pretty set routine that works for both of us and we've never even considered exploring the swinger's club that everyone says some people in this neighborhood have formed. Ugh."

Here's what I'm going to say to those writers: relax. Fic sex is just like real sex in that if you don't relax, you won't enjoy it. Have some fun. Think about what would totally turn you on, and then write that. If you're not comfortable using graphic imagery, that will absolutely translate in your writing, so don't even attempt it in the beginning. And again, as is the case in real life, don't expect your first time to be your best time, because this stuff takes a little practice. As long as you're going into the thing for the right reasons, as long as your characters are ready for that step, it'll be good. And they could be ready for that in the first paragraph of your first chapter, or in the last paragraph of Chapter 37. It all depends on who they are and why they're doing what they're doing. Pull the trigger when it's time - you'll know the same way you knew when you lost your virginity in real life.

You might want to avoid the issue altogether, and take the easy route by cutting directly to the morning after. Honestly, this is cheating, and you know better (even if it's canon for Twi and you think you can argue that point). If you're writing about adults in a romantic relationship, sex is invariably going to be part of that equation. You need to challenge yourself to deal with it, and work through your discomfort in order to arrive at a solution that works for you and doesn't cheat the characters or the readers. Consummation is important. It's part of the process in a romantic relationship, and skipping over it leads to a whole lot of "what the heck was that?" reviews for you. Be your characters. As I keep saying in this blog, you are the only source of oxygen they have, so really give them the emotions and sensations and thoughts they need in order to have a good time when they're finally naked with each other.

If you're not writing, and just reading what other people have written, be kind about it. This is not easy for many writers to put out there, and obviously, not everyone's idea of what smokes the brain and curls the toes is going to be your cup of tea. If you think you can do better, give it a try and stop being all "I can't believe how LAME that was" about it. You'll either flame out and get a little humble, or write a lemon so unbelievably en fuego that everyone who reads it will explode from the sheer ecstasy generated by your descriptive powers. Neither one of these two scenarios is a bad outcome as far as I'm concerned.

Once you get the hang of writing lemons in YOUR style, they're actually really fun. They are so fun that it'll be tough to kick your characters out of bed and make 'em eat, or put their clothes back on, or go to work and pretend that they are NOT spending the entire day thinking about how great it was to be horizontal (or vertical, or whatever) with each other. But do kick them out of bed and make them live a life which includes underwear and friendly, non-sexual interaction with other people. The bed will always be there and you can bring them back to it whenever you need to. If you don't incorporate the sex into a larger framework, it gets repetitive and the reader rapidly loses interest, no matter how "hot" you make it. It becomes a matter of "Ugh, he's bending her over. Again. Yawn. This time she's wearing black lace; last time, it was blue latex."

Another thing to consider is the dialogue involved in a sex scene. Do you spend all of your sexy time chatting away with your partner? Probably not, because your attention is hopefully elsewhere. Really look at the situation you've created for your characters, and who your characters ARE, when you're writing dialogue during sex. Would shy, nerdy Edward be all porny in his dialogue when he finally gets the Bella of his dreams naked? Would tough, cold businessman Edward go all mushy and "I love you I love you I love you" just because she gave it up? Unless you're writing for comic effect, lots of chitter-chatter and out-of-character dialogue during sex is just kind of distracting, and takes away from the emotional gravity of the moment. When in doubt, less is more. Character progression doesn't begin and end in the bedroom (or kitchen counter, or shower, or wherever the heck else it is people get their freak on). Sex is just one part of the big picture, unless the soundtrack to which you're writing features nothing but a wah-wah pedal.

So, have some sex. Have some good sex, and some honest sex, and some fun sex, and some meaningful sex, and some angry sex, and some dirty sex, and some sweet sex, and some "ouch, I think I sprained something vital" sex. Go for it; but while you do, try to keep in mind who you are, and who your characters are, and the other stuff you need to accomplish in your story!